Emotional Vampires

Have you heard of this term??

I have had a few of them in my life recently. I even may be one in yours. I hope not. If THAT'S the case, I am sorry.

But lately I have had to shed the "relationships" of some of these so called vampires in my life. They aren't "real" relationships anyway if you are constantly having to defend everything you say, do, or think.

Or, if they are constantly trying to "one-up" you.

GRRRRRR!! THAT'S my most hated one!!!

If you have one in your life...RUN!!

Or, if you can't, then find a way to lovingly deal with it. But, let me just say this...it doesn't work trying to turn it around on them. Trying to do it BACK to them so they "can see what it feels like" doesn't work. I've tried. They in turn feel like YOU are being the Emo-Vampire. But in fact, you are trying to help. Oy Vey. A vicious cycle.

All joking aside, this can be a REAL problem. I have found it is so much easier being around people who are mostly positive! Realistically, we are all negative from time to time. It's human nature. And sometimes, life sucks, to put it bluntly. But if it's a CONSTANT thing, then you really need to re-evaluate somethings in life.

But, just for fun, I have found a list to help us all see if in fact we are/have an emotional vampires in our lives...

Am I an Emotional Vampire? How Do I Know?

We've all got a touch of vampire in us, especially when we're stressed. So, cut yourself a break. It's admirable to admit, "I think I'm emotionally draining people. What can I do?" Can't be free without such honesty. Then you can change. These are some common indications that you're becoming a drainer.

People avoid you or glaze over during a conversation

You're self-obsessed

You're often negative

You gossip or bad-mouth people

You're critical, controlling

You're in an emotional black hole, but won't get help -- this strains relationships and won't free you

The solution is always to own up to where you're emotionally stuck and change the related behavior. For instance, one patient in computer graphics kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don't hesitate to seek assistance when you're stumped. Also, review the types of emotional vampires in Emotional Freedom (The Narcissist, The Victim, The Controller, The Criticizer, The Splitter) to make sure you're not one of them.

Excerpted from Judith Orloff, MD's new book "Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life" (Harmony Books, 2009).