And as it does...we have one of the worst nights EVER!! OK, not really. But there were a couple hours that were pretty darn horrific! And of course at the end of the evening. *DISCLAIMER...THIS ENDED UP BEING WAY LONGER THAN I ANTICIPATED...JUST AN FYI*
Jack gets tired and it seems (to him...then to me) that the world is going to end! He starts off REALLY whiny. Which then usually quickly escalates to crying. Which THEN turns into full on sobbing, not being able to understand him, snot pouring, tears streaming, on the verge of puking, can't stand up because his "legs aren't working" blowout meltdown! Why? Oh, because I am a jerk of a mother who gave him Dasani water instead of the Brita pitcher water. I even poured it in a cup! Nope. Not gonna have it!
Then I yelled at him. I'm not proud. Not. At. All. Actually, my heart hurts right now as I type this because, all though his reaction was extreme, it's not at all uncommon. Especially for right before bed time. And it's not entirely his fault I have been extremely worn out the last week and a half! And just flat out not a nice word! To anyone!
Early today, he had been quite sassy after he had gotten home from school. He didn't wanna help clean up the living room so he flat out told Matt "no", then I got mad and told him he didn't speak to his father that way and to help him pick up the living room. Jack told ME no. Which sent his little behind straight to time out. Which, honestly, I think he preferred. So, we waited for that timer to go off so he could come out of time out and help with the last few items. So when 5 min were up, I do what I always do give him a hug and a kiss and have him tell me he's sorry and explain "why" he was put there. When I told him telling mommy and daddy "no" wasn't nice and he's a nice boy, he quickly piped in with "but I'm not a nice boy. I don't wanna be a nice boy!" I know, awesome, right?! Is that what I am teaching him?
Then Joseph has recently and quite DRASTICALLY developed eating issues. I used to be SO happy that the kid would eat almost anything and everything! At least try it! NOPE. Not anymore. And I am pretty sure I have caused it. Part of it, at least. I used to (well, let's be really honest...I STILL do) just double up what ever Jack would eat for the moment and give it to him too. It was easier. For me. I realized at one point I was doing that, but didn't think (at that time) he was any where near the autism spectrum. I wasn't doing super harm because I had nothing to worry about. He still would eat a few things Jack wouldn't. Now he down to about 7 foods. Maybe?? And has to eat EVERYTHING with a fork!! Yup, so his hands don't have to touch it!
How on EARTH was I in such denial about Joe?! How could I dismiss ALL the signs?! How could I listen to therapists telling me it's "normal for younger siblings of autistic kids to mimic them"? How could I ignore MY instincts?! Ok enough of the pity party. Party of one ;) Wouldn't have changed anything. He was already receiving the same services. Oh except the REALLY important one! ABA!! The one where I feel made ALL the difference in the WORLD with Jack!! ESPECIALLY because he started so young. He was 2 1/2. Now we are BARELY getting the approval for Joe. At 3 1/2! A WHOLE year difference!! A whole year!
One REALLY GREAT silver lining is we have an AH-MAZING behavior consultant!! Before we "knew" about Joe, and before we got Jacks extension on his hours (which was ALL done by her!!! And btw almost unheard of!!!), she offered her services for free. At least until he went to Kindergarten. And I would like to add that he is going to mainstream Kindergarten this next year!! Thanks to her! And then she reminded me she would ALWAYS be a phone call away, if I needed her advice! These kinds of services are about $100 an hour or more!! Which of course insurance wants nothing to do with!! And Jack got 30 hours a week when he first started, but now that he's 5 it's 20 hours a week. And as of tomorrow, he is no longer receiving HER services. The extension only went to the end of April. But now we get to keep her cause we are starting with Joe!
If we could ever get this FLU out of our house, Starlla could come!!! Sheesh! I'm so done with this!! Another story another day!! But it is the root of the no patience, bad mommy moment at the beginning of this post.
On a GOOD note...
Tyla is doing GREAT!!! She is SUCH an incredible helper!! I could NOT have made it through this weekend without HER while Matt was in his bed, dying of the same flu bug (the one that lasted Jack LITERALLY 8 days to recover from)! Even while we were doing her 6 HOUR urine study! Which was kinda a big deal! It required fasting (which is hard for ANY kid) getting that first morning void (which last time at her moms was a BIG deal. So we put a bowl IN the toilet so she just sat on it) then drinking a sugar "drink" they gave us, fasting AGAIN for another 2 hours, THEN being able to eat but NOTHING with sugar in it! Not even KETCHUP!! Which is Tyla's favorite food!! ;) for SIX hours!!! All the while helping mommy with the boys...including our big boy, daddy!! And while going potty in the bowl!!!! She was so super proud of her self, as she SHOULD be!! She just LOVES her baby James! Who is going to be a year old in 17 days!! But, shhhhh, mommy REALLY doesn't like to talk about it!! Tyla NEVER lets us forget to say our prayers and have Family Home Evening. Every Friday, Jack gets excited because he knows that's the day his sissy gets to come!! He always asks on that day if we will be a family cause then "we'll be 6"(then we'll have all 6 of us together). Apparently we aren't a family until she gets here for the weekend?? She is such an amazingly incredible blessing to me and to our entire family!!!
I love ALL of my children! Wouldn't trade them for the world! Most days, KIDDING!!! They ARE my world!! My ENTIRE life LITERALLY revolves around them!!! I am so extremely grateful for the blessings they bring into our family and into our home! I feel really blessed that all three of them got chosen to be in the "active" group of this ASU Autism study! Shoot, just last weekend alone they walked away from their blood draws with a total of $200 worth of Target gift cards! They were $50 each! Jack got 2 cause he had to go back the second day:)!!!! And spent every last dime...and then some ;) Then we went to Crackers for breakfast and you shoulda seen Jacks face when they brought out his ginormous plate of choc chip pancakes!! And he ate nearly all three pancakes! And if you've ever been there, they are not small! Not in the least little bit!! Matt and I shared an item and still had left overs! Holy sidetrack, Batman!! I got caught up in the talking about that food glorious food!! I was saying...I really am so thankful for our bad days. I am. Because our GOOD days FAR out weigh the BAD!!!
With this I'll close. The kids have been listening to "My Turn on Earth" and having bad days reminds me of this SONG. It's called Opposition, my friend! You have to have the bad days to appreciate the good ones! And it really is SO true! And, for the most part, we really do have way more good than bad. Jack and Tyla are mostly good. We are just starting on our journey with Joe. It's gonna be a long one too. But I know we'll make it like we did with the others. This is our life. It's different than most. But it's ours!!
But it is & will FOREVER be Autism Awareness Day at our house!!
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