Yesterday when I went to pick up Tyla, she didn't want to come with me. So much so that she threw one of her MASSIVE meltdown fits. It hurt my heart. Very much. I love that little girl just as if I did give birth to her. I have had a hand in raising her since she was 15 months old.
She is the center of attention around here. Always has been.(obviously she has had to start sharing it a little more here and at her moms) But as she has gotten older we have had to do some time outs (which usually turn *almost* bloody...:) But lately she has been AMAZING! I mean it's been a LONG time since we've had any kind of meltdown! She has done stuff, that she knows better. Nothing huge, like taking EVERYTHING away from her brothers ALL the TIME. Then I just tell her she needs to go sit on her bed until she can come tell them sorry. It usually only lasts about 2 min tops! Then she comes out and asks me for a kiss, and all is well.
Her mom told me she said last week she didn't want to come over here too. I am having a really hard understanding why. Maybe it's cause we don't ever do anything super fun? We only have her on the weekends, and sometimes that's the only time we can run errands. Especially, now we are all in Matt's TWO door ford focus with NO tinted windows and a/c that sucks in 110 degrees. Oh and she has this issue with either of the boys touching her at all!!! Baby Joe, isn't such a baby anymore and is quite a pest to her. He thinks it's funny to pull out her bows or just touch her cause it makes her mad. (another post. another time)
She has been of late, a GREAT example to her brothers, and well, to Matt and I as well. She carries her Book of Mormon around EVERYWHERE!! One time she forgot to take it to church, and you would have thought her world was crumbling around her! Even her teacher said to me, (in a very lovingly teasing manner) "maybe next time you should make sure she brings it to class." Her teachers love her!! She actually told me last Sunday she wished she could take Tyla home! I told her no way! Tyla has been such a big helper to me lately!!!
She loves to make sure I have my phone and glasses with me AT ALL TIMES!!! I mean, even if it's first thing in the morning and I am changing a poopy diaper, she has to come hand them to me! Man, sure don't know how I ever make it all week with out her ;) She lets me know when the boys are doing things they shouldn't be. She lets me know when Gigi (our new puppy...new post coming soon) is getting into things. She helps me with diapers, wipes, folding clothes, doing dishes, making sure the boys have what they need. She really has been quite the blessing!!!!
Which brings me back to the before mentioned episode on Friday. I know with Autism, that the only predictable thing is it's unpredictibility. But, WOW! That's all I can say. She even threw her seat belt off and of course her famous throwing of her glasses happened as well. I did what I was taught by Jack's behavior specialist, which was to ignore her and not even acknowledge what she was saying or doing until she had a calm moment. Even if it was only litteraly 1 second long, which at that time you try and distract, compromise, whatever the case may be. So I kept driving (slowly...she was not buckled) down Adobe (a very small side street) and got on the phone to Matt, just so she could SEE I was not giving into her tantrum. She immediately asked for her glasses and to be buckled. (She will remind EVERYONE if they are not buckled...thats how much she knows it is important to do ;D) So I pulled over and we had a little chat.
Jack had brought her purse for her because he knows she doesn't go ANYWHERE with out it!! He was so proud of himself, it was pretty sweet. PLUS, she had gotten a birthday card from Great Grandma and Grandpa Blair with $2 in it!! I was planning on taking her to the $ store to buy herself a present. I almost didn't take her because I didn't want to reward that behavior, but Jack was so excited for her. **she got a princess watch...so she can quit asking me what time it is...and a High School Musical book (chapter book) but that's what she picked out. I tried to show her so many other cool options, but that was her decision. And it was HER money, so I let her do with it what she wanted!
Where am I going with this? Really, I don't know. This is not how I had wanted to start off this post. We did have a rough night tonight though. With Jack. He gets so over stimulated and it is darn near impossible to keep him under control. Tyla is usually the good one, but for some reason, she ALWAYS has to copy what ever Jack does. Even if its screaming some mumbo jumbo. We had gone to Old Navy and to Justice to do some "window shopping" for her birthday. Old Navy had their music BLASTING!!!! That was it. He was done. For the rest of the day. She was pretty good. She LOVES being told she is a good listener and when I thank her for doing so, she always follows up with a kiss :) On average, I probably get about 30 kisses a day!!! (which I would NEVER complain about!!!!) Which is a HUGE accomplishment for her!! She used to never give one on the lips. EVER. Anyway, I digress. Again.
We took them to Barros because we LOVE them and Ty LOVES their GFCF pizza too. It was a really fun time. Well, until some bigger kids showed up and made them change the show they were watching and being so good. Whatever. So we left, cause we were bought done anyway. We then went to Walmart on a Sat night. WHAT WERE WE THINKING??? That was the worst either of them had been in a long time!! I swear, by the time we left everyone knew their first, middle, and last names. Since they were all used at some point or another!!!
We came home, they didn't get their promise that was made to them that we could go swimming after the store. They were HORRIBLE in the store, so I was the wicked step mom and mommy that made them take baths and go to bed. (please note at this time it was already almost 10:00 anyway)
I guess what I am getting at, is that on days like this, I have a hard time with myself. I try more than anyone will EVER know to be the best mother I can!! Especially when it comes to Tyla. I don't EVER want her to doubt my love for her, or her place in our family!! EVER! That is one of my worst nightmares. From the moment I laid eyes on that chubby little bald headed baby girl, I instantly fell in love with her. She was only 13 months old when Matt and I started dating, so she was a baby!
I know we all have our "bad mommy" days. At least, I hope I am not the only one :) I was giving myself a major guilt trip while I was taking Gigi for our nightly walk. I yelled at all the kids today. A LOT. I know they will wake up and not remember it, but I will. I am always constantly worried that I am not doing enough for them and their treatments. I wished we could afford to give them EVERYTHING they need for their autism.
But then I remembered. It's Jack who always reminds us to say our morning prayers. It's Tyla who always reminds us to do our Family Home Evening. And even seeing Joe walk in trying to fold his arms, while we are all knelt with our arms folded, reminds me we are doing it. We are trying our best. Oh believe me there is MASSIVE room for improvement, but we are on the right track. I am not trying to pat myself on the back or anything, but mostly to remind myself. To keep it up. Don't let them down. Then I came across this beautiful video...
Mormon Messages/Mothers
WATCH IT!!!!!!!!!
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